该走却想停留住的相遇点

Nothing is everlasting. 不知不觉我们分隔了有4个月，也没有再听到对方的消息了，仿佛已消失人间。有多少个人真正能够分辨爱与喜欢。以前的我一直告诉我自己我多么的爱他，后来发现其实我只是喜欢他，仰慕他而已，而不是所谓的爱。有朋友告诉我：喜欢是轻松愉快的，而爱是痛苦、沉重、撕心裂肺的。或许每个人的答案都不会相同。喜欢，可以心动。而爱，一定会心痛。喜欢，可以舍得。但爱， 一定舍不得。喜欢一个人，爱一个人，他落泪你就会跟着他一起落泪。而喜欢一个人，他落泪你只不过会安慰。喜欢是可以变成爱的，但如果你一旦爱了就说不出喜欢。喜欢与责任无关，爱一定要负责任。

当我喜欢上一个人，莫名的被他吸引，迷恋他，很享受在一起的感觉。见到他会怦然心动、心跳加速、手足无措。其实，这些都是生理上的反应，是多巴胺等等在作怪，这还远远谈不上是爱。约会结束之后，我会陷入甜蜜的回忆，并盼望下次再见，但仅此而已。

当我爱一个人的时候，还会不由自主的关心他的安危、操心他的生活、担心他过得好不好。看到他高兴，我就高兴。看到他忧郁，看到他高兴，我就高兴。看到他忧郁，恨不得替他承受。爱，会激发我们潜在的父性或母性。我可以同时喜欢几个人，但真正心疼的只有一个。

“爱无条件”是我从他身上领悟到自己缺乏的一种付出。这种付出也联系到一般情侣常会称呼他们的另外一半为“灵魂伴侣”。当时的我一直告诉自己，他会是我的灵魂伴侣，所有的优点和缺点我都能够接受，尽量对他好，付出我的全世界给他。所谓“对你好”，是一个自己可以给予自己力量和快乐的人，把自己的经验和知识无条件的传递给另外一个人，帮助对方也成为一个自强独立、有爱、有精神力量，并且不受外界事物变化而情绪动荡的人，这种行为才是真正的“对你好”。这种好，是很冒险和苦涩的，因为一般人难以接受。同时，这种好，对他自己的内涵修养要求极高，一般人做不到这样“对人好” ，但我做得到。

一个人，自己有丰富的知识、经验和修养，可以排解自己内心的各种负面情绪，自己可以过好自己的生活，并不需要他人为他做什么。他不需要别人关心他的衣食住行，他自己都可以打理好，他甚至都不需要一个人陪聊天，更不用说一个人在他身边让他快乐，不用，他什么都不用，他自己就很好。

然后有一天，他遇到一个人，这个人就像曾经的他自己，固执、自负、自卑、困惑、痛苦、无助、孤独、内心饱受煎熬，而且这个人很想努力的从泥潭中爬出来，不断寻找自己的问题。

这个时候，他把自己的知识和经验无条件的分享给对方，关注对方的心智成熟，使对方也变得像他一样成熟，可以靠自己很好处理各种负面情绪，并且也学会去分享自己的知识和经验。然后这样的两个人在一起，一起进步，一起自省，一起变得更成熟……

如果，人生中，能遇到这样一个有能力给予爱的人，而且他又愿意用这样的方式来爱你，那该有多么幸运和幸福！可是，如果你是一个拒绝成长、目光短浅的人，就算遇到这样的人，你不仅不会珍惜，还可能会生气的离开。因为，不断被别人揭开自己的缺点，并不是一件舒服的事情。你不知道，成长的过程本来就免不了阵痛。 

要知道，这种脱离了世俗琐碎和物质牵绊的爱，更能让心灵得到滋养，促成一个人内在的成长和成熟！这恐怕就是所谓“灵魂伴侣”的稀缺和可贵之处吧。 

我们天生就会喜欢，喜欢了会想要去占有、索取，这近乎本能。

而爱相对理性，是一个人有意识的通过自我反观和修炼，超越本能的狭隘，以获得更大的精神上的愉悦。 

真正的爱，可以做到不一定非要拥有你、得到你、占有你。我只是爱你，不需要你回报我什么，你活得健康快乐就好。 

爱是一个人精神力量的体现，也是一种需要学习的能力。并不是人人都真正具备爱的能力。许多人，终其一生，都不知道自己到底有没有被真正爱过。也不知道怎么真正的去爱别人。

分隔了四个月，我也完全放下他了。我不后悔失去他，因为旧的不去，新的不来。我现在也喜欢上了一个人，同时也享受着被爱的感觉。可是没有一段感情是完美的。我们也只认识了有4个月了，暂时都很甜蜜。我以前以为我和上一任的化学作用很搭配，可是这一次的搭配就如atom bond 拥有8粒electron的那么稳重。我们几乎每个晚上睡前都会谈天。X后都会为对方穿衣服裤子。听的音乐和穿着都相似。最让我感动是他切澄会把皮切掉才给我吃。性格方面呢，起初认识他觉得他带有别的目的认识我。后来慢慢的开始了解他，看到他是个不自私自利，而且脚踏实地的君子。当初认识他也是因为刚分手，和他谈心事。可是后来知道他正在承担着比我重100倍的压力，可是却隐瞒起来，我当时觉得这个人很伟大，自己身体衰弱却还会为一个陌生人感到担忧。这点让我十分佩服他，觉得他的思想很成熟。

他是我目前最完美的“灵魂伴侣”，可是很可惜，我无法拥有他，因为他已经是属于别人了。虽然如此，我还是很开心和他过日子，尤其现在马来西亚的封城情况，能够与喜欢的人一起居住，一起吃饭，已经很幸福了。虽然他不属于我，但他的关怀与爱护让我很想尽我能力的去照顾他，和他过接下来的日子。 

不知道这段完美的“感情”会为此多久，最后也许我会受伤。但能够在这交叉点相遇认识到他，已经是我的荣幸了。我想暂停脚步，享受当下。何时要起步离开这相遇点或者一起走下去人生的道路我还不知道，但我会给自己一个打算，也许有一天大家会各走各路，因为nothing is everlasting. 

（完）

~2014~

再过10分钟，我们就要和2013道别了，欢饮2014的到来。

在2013年里，的确发生了很多我不曾想象会发生的事。其中包括能够参与学校的乐队，也包括和朋友吵架反面。

前几天已经打算要计划下明年该达到的事，还有反省下自己的缺点，纠正自己的态度。可是到了31日11点，我都还没去计划。

好了，我在此祝我的博客“粉丝们”新年快乐！希望2014将会是一个更好的一年！

失去了的好友

就算我们真的不再是朋友，我希望你知道，做人，尤其是男子，千万不可太敏感。若你能够把一个人当成你好友，你就得知道他/她本人的性格。笑话和真心话你应该分得清楚。如果连开个玩笑你都把他当真，那这段友情真的太无趣了。

我因为不想要你们误会才把事情说出来，为什么你总是觉得任何你说过的东西都一定要隐藏起来呢？说了出来大家无需再误会，那不是更好吗？

你说我得听别人对我的意见，那你自己有做到吗？别人和你说过一些不是很顺耳的话，做过些不是很顺眼的事，你总是要把它藏在心里，埋怨这个埋怨那个。这样你很难拥有平安的日子过。你也得知道，这世界没有东西是完美的。如果你不喜欢一个东西，或某个人，或有人得罪了你，过去就算了，何必要向全世界埋怨呢？

也许我说的一切你不赞同，我也发现你的性格，可以说是比较顽固，思想也比别人不一样。我也发现我们的想法很不一样，失去了共同话题。也难怪我们会吵起架。

世界上每一个人都会犯错事，我承认有时我也对不起你，可是你得学会放开一点，be more satisfied with what you have，宽容一点，这样你的生活才会更多姿多彩。

Take care.

大学第三年的生活

现在是8月13日，星期二，晚上十点正。

前几个月的每个星期二的这个时候，我都会在学校Block C门口走出来腰酸背痛，手上拿着一把小提琴，一起和朋友走回宿舍。

学校管弦乐已过了一个星期，可是我心里还是很想念那天晚上的感受。有时在温习功课时，心里会在哼着那天晚上的音乐，这叫人如何能够专心读书呢？可是我想，管弦乐之后我更爱上音乐了。

进入了大学第三年学位，昨天已开始考试了。虽然这是第一次考试前有一个星期时间准备，可是昨天打开卷子时，满头都是雾水。

今天的考卷比昨天更恐怖。我差点在考场上大喊一声！

本来我觉得是我对会计没什么兴趣，可是我再想想，其实是我平时不努力读书的关系，等到要考试才开书读，已太迟了。

如果这次考试有不及格，我也不会感到惊讶。以前我没有A, 都有A-,  那时foundation还告诉自己我是不可能有不及格的。现在我没有B，就有C…… 唉，能够毕业就行了。也许我对practical比theory更有兴趣。读书不再是我喜欢做的事了。

无论如何，我还是得拿个second class honour回来。还有时间成救我的成绩。加油吧！

UCSI Orchestra Aug 2013

快乐的时光总是过得比较快。还记得上一个部落格我写了我进入UCSI ochestra的audition的经验。当初每一个人对我来是都是陌生人，我视乎闯入别人的课室闹事，所以当初有种尴尬的感觉。

14个星期后，每周4.5个小时一起喝这班音乐家一起练琴，慢慢地，我也开始认识新朋友。和一群拥有同样的兴趣的朋友聊起天来比较有趣。

平时每个周二晚上7点的练习

UCSI Orchestra Concert 6/8/2013, conducted by Ms Cheryl Mah

 很快的，一小时半的演奏就这样结束了。这也许是我第一次，而且是唯一一次参加orchestra的机会。演奏完毕后，我真的感觉很开心，很感动！我学了小提琴8年，参与orchestra是我一直以来的梦想！8年后，我终于实现了！！！

Some of the orchestra members

My supporters

 真的很感谢我的朋友们及家人到现场来支持，当然还有一些无法到现场支持我的朋友，我明白你们的苦衷。谢谢你们！

My desk partner

也少不了我的desk partner, Jireh, 和我这14周里一起练习。给我‘骂’了不少，哈哈不好意系啦…… 希望你新的desk partner会对你比较好 :P

最重要还是我这位帅哥：

是他不断地鼓励我别放弃小提琴，鼓励我参与学校的orchestra, 还指导我的audition歌曲，减少错误。

Orchestra is now over and it's time to prepare for my final that starts on next Monday. 希望我还有机会上台和大家一起演奏 :D

Turning a dream into a reality

Few months back I got to know a guy from the School of Music in UCSI University. He plays the violin and he shared many things with me. He asked me not to give up my violin and motivated me to continue my violin. He even suggested me to join our university orchestra in this semester. Well, joining an orchestra is and always my dream. The chance has come to me and I would never lose this chance getting into it. I practiced day and night during my semester break few weeks back and the day has come.

The audition was set at 7pm at the recital hall and I came at around 6.45pm. I went down to the music practice room to have a quick warm up and went up to the recital hall 5 minutes before 7pm. I couldn't contact this friend of mine, and he hadn't appear yet. I started to get nervous as the hall was filling up with musicians with their instruments like horn, cello, viola and violin. I started to feel awkward being the only non music student to be in the hall. Suddenly I noticed people bringing their music stand to the hall too and I didn't bring because my friend told me it was not necessary. My mind started to blame this guy for asking me not to bring and never bother to even pick up my phone to assist me as I was so lost.

I felt like wanting to give up and I was walking alone in the corridor and suddenly the lift door opened and this guy came out.

"Thank God!" I told myself.

He was late and quickly he went into the hall asking me to follow. When I stepped back into the hall, I felt that awkward sensation again. The students were going in front of the hall sitting near the conductor as she was about to take their attendance. I felt soooo awkward and I wished I was invisible. While the conductor was taking the attendance, I quietly walked out the hall to answer a phone call from another music friend of mine. She asked me to stay calm and just go back into the hall and take a seat. I nodded to her with my mind so hair-wired and I went back into the hall.

Guess what, when I entered the hall for the third time, my friend shouted my name front the front.

 "Joe!!" And then he pointed to a seat next to him.

I noticed all the eyes were watching at me and I was so embarrassed. I had no choice but to walk down the "red carpet" to the front of the hall and sat beside him. My awkwardness + embarrass-ness had reached to the max. I didn't dare to move once my butt touched the chair. The hall was so quiet and only the conductor was speaking. She was just standing right beside me!

After she had announced the pieces that they were going to play for this semester, the orchestra players went down to have their sectional practice while around 8 of us remained in the hall for audition.

She asked us to wait outside the hall and each of us took turn to go in for audition. While waiting for my turn, I got to know these new soon-to-be orchestra players. They were all foundation first semester students and I was the only senior and also a non-music student there.

After an hour plus, it was my turn. I didn't feel nervous as I had waited so long outside and was so hungry until the butterflies died inside my stomach because it was about 9pm. She asked a bit about my background and asked me to play some scales and a piece that I had chosen, which is one of my Grade 6 exam pieces. It wasn't that awful except for the sight-reading part. It was horrible.

It was a short audition and she asked me to leave my e-mail address so that she could give me an answer on whether I could be part of the orchestra member.

I came home about 10pm and I had maggi mee for my dinner. Friends were asking about my audition but I gave them a negative respond as I thought chances of getting in for a non-music student should be low as the conductor should give priority to the music students. However, I was still keen to know the result. Suddenly I got a mail in my inbox after I refreshed my page (damn stress!)

"O.M.G!" I told myself.

I got into the orchestra! I hadn't experience such happiness for quite some time, not even getting an A+ for my exam nor getting my first pay had I been so happy. To me, this might be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me to join the orchestra. I'm really grateful I got this opportunity to meet this friend. He has changed my life, making my dream to be a reality. I owe him so much and I didn't know how should I repay him.

Thank you Brace for encouraging me not to give up my violin and given me this opportunity to join this orchestra. And thank you Rachel for encouraging me not to give up at the last minute. Finally, thank you to all my friends who had given me support all these while :D

A random day during my semester break

Yesterday I attended Shell 54th Annual General Meeting at Thistle Hotel, Port Dickon. It was quite some time ago since the last time I came to Port Dickson during my first AFSA camp- Unity Camp 1.0. I didn't realize about it until I felt the place was familiar to me.

It is a 5-star hotel and I was so amazed by how friendly they treated us, the shareholders, as if we were VIPs. At entering the hotel, there were people guiding us to our parking. Upon parking our car, they have those electric golf cars to fetch us to the lobby. At the lobby, the staffs greeted us and served us a glass of juice. In other AGM, we would have to register as shareholders/proxies before allowed to enjoy the breakfast. But here in Shell, we were asked to have our breakfast first before registering.

We got some car engine oil and some TnG cards given after registering.

After our breakfast, we still had about an hour before the meeting starts, so we decided to walk around the hotel.

The view at the beach

It wasn't that "grand' as what I thought a 5-star hotel should be, but it was luxury enough and cozy as well.

This is one awesome AGM I've ever attended because in other companies' AGM, after the AGM and that's the end of it. But for Shell, they invited us to visit their oil refinery somewhere in Port Dickson. Sadly our cameras and phones were 'confiscated' because no electrical devices shall be brought into the refinery, and so I have no photos to upload. I am really grateful my dad gave me this opportunity to attend this AGM. The best part being a shareholder of Shell is that while in the bus to and from the oil refinery, there were traffic polices escorting the buses to move through the traffic. I could even hear other shareholders saying "wow we are treated like Agung!" 

Back at the hotel, I received a bad news. So bad that I previously had never expected this would happen to me. I failed two of my subjects this semester. Actually just after I sat the papers, I knew I was going to fail. I had prepared myself to accept the fact but I just couldn't believe who I am now. A student that used to get flying colours all these while getting two subjects fail at the same time now. 

I just have no idea what is wrong with me nowadays. Nobody could explain that, even myself. I just love slacking in the classroom, thinking of other stuffs during lectures, procrastinate for assignments and so on. When it comes to studying, I just couldn't pay attention on the text I'm reading. Friends giving advise not to give up because there is no one that never fails in life. This is what I usually tell my other friends who couldn't do well in their studies too, and now it's the other way round. 

Today I have got back into myself. I will take it positively and a lesson to myself. I do not care how people will look at my low CGPA, I just know I am not this kind of student, it was just a mistake I did and I'm sure I can raise it back before graduating. Good luck!!!

再见吧……

已经隔了两个月没更新我的博客了。

之前刚放假想写一写自己的心情，

多么的爽快，同时也多么的悲伤。

爽快是因为又一个学期过了，

又放假了。

悲伤是因为我干哥哥快要离开大马了。

…….

若你是我衷心博客读者，

你应该猜到我将会写些什么吧。

一直以来我的博客都是感伤的，

是因为我本人比较sentimental,

情绪很不稳定，

所以写博客是为了揭开压力。

2012年4月21号，

也许是我so far人生中最难过的一天。

那天，Steven离开了大马，隔了一年多，终于要回国去了。

本来想和他们一起送飞机，

哪知他的行李箱实在是太多了，

我也上不了车，

只能照个相留个念……

手表上指着1点钟，

他们都准备好要出发了。

我站在车窗外，

虽然隔了一片玻璃，

但可看得出他眼睛湿了，

可惜太阳太晒了，

我流不出眼泪。

毕竟我们认识了10个月，

也同居过4个月……

一定会有些不舍。

车子渐渐离开了我的视线，

他……终于走了……

很快的，他已离开大马一星期了。

今天他发了一封email给我，

说HK大学已接受了他，

就如我预测的一样。

我想，今年毕业典礼后的两年应该没机会再见到他了。

虽然如此，我也做不了什么。

心里其实挺难过的，

一直期望他会在大马继续深造，

但HK大学才是他想读的大学。

为了你的前途，

为了你的梦想，

我祝福你

学业进步、

梦想成真。

无论如何，

我们都是一辈子好兄弟！

希望我们后会有期~！

My 20th Birthday

This year birthday was a very special one for me. Instead of celebrating with family, I celebrated with my friends.

My first gift was a cake from Rachaell but it was melted as she gave it to me when we were testing our games for our Unity Camp 2.0 on next month. It's such a waste that I had to throw it because I love Indulgence Chocolate. That night however, I got another cake from my friend Hon Yuen, it's New York cheese cake! And I had it for my breakfast the next day.

On my birthday eve, Steven asked me to go over to his house at night. I can sense something he was up to because he would never ask me to go to his house and I actually preferred if he helped me to celebrate on other days because I was having two exams on the following day. However, I felt touched when they bought a cake and sang birthday song to me. It's another kind of feeling celebrating with friends especially when the clock strikes at 12am! Thank you guys!!!!

On the actual day, I didn't have to spend money for my lunch and dinner as my lunch was sponsored by Crystal as well as Chin Mun for her Kokogreen milk tea (I wonder how she knew I prefer the original milk tea) and dinner by Steven at Cheras Selatan.

I was at first disappointed when Steven didn't give me his present on my birthday but 2 days later. Anyway, I was totally surprise that he bought me an earpiece as he knew my old one spoiled ! I love it so much!! Thank you!

搬家后的第二个星期

之前发生了好多事，
都没心情写部落格。

刚搬进来我朋友家这里，
感觉没像上次搬去宏盛家，
感觉很尴尬的，
因为这次我的东西都是我自己去放在适当的地方，
而上次是有人帮我把东西放好,
所以那时感觉很不好意识要人家帮我做事。

这个家，
一眼看就可看得出
这是一间学生宿舍。
因为这里什么都没有。
床架、沙发、烧水器、桌子、椅子都没有。
全都要自己去买。

这里和中国人的家有所不同。
家里环境很干净，
尤其厕所，
人也不在家穿拖鞋，
也很平静，
但只缺乏一个很在乎我的哥哥。

说到他，
我病之前的那件事已解决了，
那时也差点不再和对方说话，
想给对方冷静下，
但最后他肯原谅我，
所以就没事咯。
可惜我这个人呢，
却不知道自己的地位。

之前习惯了有他常常关心我，
现在搬了他少理会我了，
觉得他重色亲友，
也常常把他女友和我比起来，
觉得他的确开始不在乎我了。

上个星期，
他病倒了。
而且就在那时我和他因某些事又吵起来了。
我那时真气到想要绝交了，
以为我们的友情就到此为止了，
但我一个朋友，
开导了我，
叫我要珍惜一个这么难得的朋友。
他在大马的时间也不多了，
真的要好好珍惜他，
有什么误解，就好好和他谈吧。

我听了后，
马上想通了。
我不应该和他发脾气。
如果他想多陪他女朋友，
而牺牲我们两个好好谈判的时间，
那我也没办法，
我控制不了别人，
我不可能可以expect所有东西都依照我方法去做。

当时我和我朋友在吃麦当劳，
听了她那番话，
马上把整个汉堡包塞进嘴里，
薯条留给她吃，
拿起汽水，
很抱歉地离开了座位，
跑去宏盛的家去。

去到他家所发生的事情我不方便透入。
他承认他忽略了我，
但我们肯原谅对方，
不再讲究这件事，
就这样我们又和好了。

这周三是学校篮球比赛。
他和他的housemates都有参加。
放心吧，我上完课马上去支持你们，
为你们加油打气！
大哥，加油！

我要搬家了

明天下午三四点左右我将要搬家了。
虽然很久已经说要搬回去Angkasa,
但太多事情了，我搬不了。
现在终于可以搬了，
总觉得对这里依依不舍，
我会挂念我的housemates，
的空回来找你们吧……

最近我和一个housemate发生了不少的吵闹，
不用说也该懂我在说谁吧……
从一月份开始，
我们和对方都产生了很多意见，
但总是没时间坐下来谈，
结果越闹越糟，
再加上我患上了蚊症，
而他又遇到不幸的事，
个有个的困难，
都没时间里会对方了。

我真的不想再这样下去了，
事情再不去解决，
恐怕我们友情可能就这样...没有了。
然后我可以开始写我的故事了，
名叫《那些年，我们如何成为好兄弟》。
哈哈，开个玩笑而以啦，
我当然不想会有这样的下场。

我希望明天我回去Cheras能够好好解决这件事。
经过这次大病后，我希望能够反省起来，
从新做人，不想再伤害你了，
对不起……

Is this God's order?

There are many unexpected things that are always happening around all of us.
Last year September semester,
I thought I would be moving out from Seri Cendekia
after my final exam on October.
Unexpectedly,
the day I decided to move out,
I found a part-time job in Cheras,
and so I continued to stay for the next two months.

During that two months,
I thought I would be moving out on January
to my friend's house in Angkasa condo.
However,
he said he has to clean his house before my friend and I can move in.
So, the first week of January I'll have to continue staying here
while waiting for him to inform me when can I move in.

One day I met him and his housemates in McD.
They told me about their usual activities at home,
and I was freaked out.
I felt that I'll regret staying there.
One of the most disgusting activity that I've never heard in my life is that
one of their housemates can 'hibernate' for 3 days.
He usually sleep on Friday late midnight
and wake up on Sunday afternoon.
And they told me if he never comes out from his room for a long time,
do not inform the police if there is no rotting smell.
He is just probably sleeping...

After hearing all these,
and so happen one of my classmates' housemate is moving out next month.
So I decided to stay in my current place for another month,
and move to her house next month.

What I'm trying to say is that
when I say I'm moving out on October,
I ended up staying till December.
When I say I'm moving out on January,
I ended up staying till end of January.
Will there be more?
Is this a God's order, or I should say,
am I destined to stay with my 'long-lost brother'
and is not allowed to leave him behind?

Last Blog Post for 2011

In less than an hour time,
everyone in the same time zone as Malaysia,
will have to say goodbye to 2011.

So many interesting moments I went through in this year,
be it sweet, sour, bitter, or...spicy?,
I will never forget every single moment I spent since coming to UCSI University,
many unexpected things happened especially these few months,
and I truly appreciate those who had made my life much meaningful.
Thanks for everything you did for me, it's really touching, really!

May 2012 be a better year for everyone!
Hope everyone's wish comes true!
Hope we can really make use of our remaining time left before you....

Good bye 2011,
Hello 2012!
Good night everyone.

已经没了感情的家庭

我的家庭，与其他的家庭有所不同。
我的家庭，经常互相吵架，
尤其是我弟和我爸。
很稀罕会有一个平安的一天。

自从我和我哥开始读大学，
家里少了两个人。
平时家里只有我爸一个人，
因为我弟早上上课，
我妈上班。
大家都有自己的朋友，
自己的世界，
除了我爸。
他天天一个人在家做工，
天天对着电脑，
朋友一个都没。

就算周末我和我哥回家，
家里的人都没什么关心我们在外干的活动。
平时晚上我们三兄弟就会呆在自己的电脑前面，
回去自己的‘世界’。
对，我们各有各自的世界。
我们都有自己的朋友，
哥哥又有女朋友聊天，
妈妈也有自己的工要忙，
而平时只有爸爸自己看电视。
完全没有家温的感觉了！
根本不想在港剧里面的家庭，
多么的幸福……

连我也不例外。
我自己在外找到了所谓的‘失散兄弟’。
在他的家，
我感觉到有加温的感觉！
所以刚刚十月放假时，
我都没第一时间搬回家住，
因为在Cheras，
我拥有我自己的家……

在这两个月的假期，
我无法天天呆在家无所事事，
而且我想在Cheras住，
所以我必须找一份工作在KL做。
还记得那一时已快放弃了，
竟然给我在Semenyih这里找到在KL的一份工。
我当时开心极了！
可以把这两个月的假期住在Cheras。

因为这样，
我很少回家了。
每次回自己的家，
都回怀念Cheras的家。
我真的不明白在发生什么事，
怎么会这样的？

今年的圣诞节，
已经不是我很要庆祝的一个日子了。
每一年圣诞节前夕，
我们一家五口都回聚在一起
吃一顿饭。
但从今年起，
我的圣诞节……
已不再是我想要的圣诞节了！

今年平安夜，
我会去我朋友老板开的一个圣诞晚会。
而哥哥也会和他朋友出去庆祝。
其实我也不想丢下家人，
但因为我对这家庭没什么乐趣，
没什么爱了，
加上一些原因，
所以才决定和朋友庆祝。

我实在是太失望了。
我也对我自己有点失望！
有很多人在外已经失去了双亲，
或者失去了兄弟姐妹，
他们想要一个完整的家庭都没有，
但为什么我还有我自己的家庭，
但从来都不珍惜呢？

人家说“家是温馨的港湾”，
无论发生什么事，
他们都是我的家人。
士毛月的家才是我的家。

虽然在Cheras，
有Steven这位干哥哥，
把我看成他的亲弟弟一样来对待，
还比我家人还要更关心。
我很感激他，
我很感谢他，
因为在这19年来，
我和我哥哥弟弟一起住了19年，
我都体验不到我们三人之间的爱。
各各都有自己的世界，
不与兄弟分享。
但我在Steven的身上，
找到了兄弟之间的感情，
找到了兄弟之间的爱。
这种被人关心，
被人担心的感觉，
让我感受到有人在乎我，
让我感觉到这个世界还有爱，
让我深深地被感动，
连泪水也无法停止它的流出。

说回我的家庭，
结论是怎么样，
我不知道到……
但我希望有一天，
我的家庭，
会有所改变。
从中找到爱……

12月6日2011年日记

眨一眼，2011年就这样快要结束了。
感觉好像才刚结束我的foundation而已。

今天我的roommate回国了。
可惜哥哥须去听讲座，
无法送他走。
所以只有我一个送他走而已。

今天又做到晚上七点半左右。
帆靖约我们晚上去Lot 10 吃火锅。
我放工时有点累不想去，
加上这么晚了，
不想要他们久等，
而且我前天才花了两千多块，
想开始节省金钱。
最终我还是决定去
是因为要给我朋友面子。

去到 Bukit Bintang 站，
我连 Lot 10 和 金河广场都分不出左右，
打了通电话给哥哥‘求救’，
才去到了 Lot 10。
我当时还以为只有我，帆靖和哥哥吃而已，
但原来总共有7个人吃。
当时已经8点多了，
真抱歉让你们久等了！

刚到那餐馆时，
我又饿又累，
整个人blur blur 地。
本来还以为有时间想去lowyat买 rechargeable 电磁给我新买的flash gun,
哪知我们吃完已十点多了。
感觉有点失望，
但失望又如何啊，
我都不能够和老朋友在这周五去马六甲玩。
干吗我父母这么严哦……
假期都没什么机会出去玩，
而且难得能够和老朋友聚会……
算了，
这是我的命运……

看开一点吧，
Tomorrow is a brand new day。

睡啦，
晚安

A dilemma over a difficult simple decision

There's one question that I've asked myself over and over again since my friend, Swee Leong, had asked me whether me and one of my friends want to move to his house next year or not.

The problem is....

After two months staying in my current place, I have 'love' towards this house, though at first I really felt awkward being in a total strangers' house filled with non-Malaysians. That kind of feeling I will never forget in my life because Steven had helped me to make me feel like I am part of their family, because they care each other very much, just like brothers. This is because they have no relatives here and they had to depend on each other and so this 'family' gave me a very special feeling when I started staying here compared to when I was staying with Malaysian students.

And because of having 'love' towards this house, as well as felt unreluctant to move out from my step brother's house, plus I am sick of moving here and there so many times, I took quite long time to consider whether I should move? or stay? taking count of the rent in both sides, as well as the behavior of the housemates.

At first I really wanted to stay because Steven is going back China soon, so I thought of staying here to spend with him these last few moments before he leaves. However, before I moved into his house, I told him I am just going to stay for 2 months and had promised my friend that I'll move out with him next year. So it's quite a difficult yet simple decision to make, whether I should stay or move? It's just that I went into dilemma for quite a long time.

But finally I've decided....

...that I'll move out...

Why? It's a long story to tell, but in short, I don't want to be in a place that will be bored to me when someone is not at home...

An off day for my new job

I've been looking for a part-time job recently around Low Yat, Time Square, Viva Home, Leisure Mall and around UCSI but none will hire a person just to work for a month. On the 17th of November 2011, I almost gave up in searching for job and so when I was going back Semenyih to teach violin on that night, I went to Tesco Semenyih and saw vacancy in Maxis Center and so I asked for it and gave them my details.

Around 5.30pm that day when I just woke up from my nap, I got an unknown call. It was from that Maxis Center saying that I'm hired!! I was so happy that I finally got hired and will start working in the following Monday.

Being a salesman isn't as easy as I thought. It is quite tiring but I learned a lot of new things that I've never learn before.

Yesterday Nilai UC had an awards day for foundation studies and I was invited to the ceremony. And because of this, I had to take a day leave.

As usual when I was studying in Nilai UC, I'll have to wake up at 6am to get the 7am train. It had been a long time since the last time I took the Seremban KTM. After reaching Nilai bus terminal, I took the shuttle bus to the college. I saw many unfamiliar faces around the campus now because I had never been here for the past 6 months.

Coming back to Nilai UC gave me a very relaxing feeling as this campus was built to be like a resort. I love the campus very much actually because of its lush green campus, surrounded by forest. The air is really fresh and the surrounding is very peaceful and quiet. How I wish UCSI has this kind of campus...

The ceremony was said to start at 8am but it started in 9am instead. It wasn't as big as UCSI awards day few months ago, but it had improved since the last year awards day for foundation studies, where I was one of the committees.

I was quite disappointed because many of my old friends weren't in the college that day and I regretted that I didn't post it in Facebook that I was going to Nilai UC. However, I felt glad that I met some of my good friends over there. Two more weeks will be their finals, wish you all good luck!!

At night I taught my violin students for the last lesson. However, one of my students was absent and didn't notify us. I felt a bit sad to stop teaching them because I really wanted to teach them, just that I couldn't handle my time table properly and ruined my studies. Starting from today, I am as if a bird just released from a cage being trapped for a year!

I AM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sem break in Seri Cendekia

As mentioned in my previous blog, I moved out on 1st of November and I never thought that I would came back to Seri Cendekia on last Saturday. Initially I planned to come back on this coming Thursday but because of certain reasons, I had to come back on Saturday :)

Tomorrow 7/11/11, my roommate will be moving to Kepong to work part time job. Initially I had 4 roommates and tomorrow I'll be sleeping alone.

So boring...

Seri Cendekia

1st November 2011, Tuesday, was the day that I hated the most. It was the day that I have almost wish that it will never come. Why? Because it was the day that I officially moved out from Seri Cendekia. I was so sad because nobody helped me to carry my luggage down. Not even Steven because he was working. This situation really suits a chinese idiom, "悄悄地我走了，正如我悄悄地来；我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩". 

The week before my final I told my housemates that I will be leaving soon and they had asked me to stay. I was surprised that they asked me to stay even though I only spoke to them less than 10 sentences in these 2 months time. Was there something else behind their sentences? Though I would love to stay, but due to certain reasons, I had to move out.

I still remember the first day I moved into Steven's house was the first day I moved to Cheras. But because that house's internet line was down, Steven had asked me to come our his house to do assignment. My first impression on his house was that the house was very messy. I was shocked too to see that the master room was decorated with cartoon carpets, children chairs and table, and toys as well. Perhaps these university students needed some toys and children stuffs to make themselves stress-free...

Days after days, I had stayed there for 3 consecutive nights. I was really touched by Steven's friendliness even though that time we didn't really know each other. The fourth day before I left, he asked me to come visit anytime I want, his house will always welcome me. But I didn't want to burden him anymore so I never go to his house anymore since that day until I moved in to his house.

Actually I never thought I could move into his house at first. After 1 month staying in Cheras Angkasa, I had to move because I told my housemate that I would only stay for a month. So Leng Kai offered me to stay with him and so I accepted. However, his room only has 1 bed and during those few days I stayed in his room, he slept on the floor. I didn't like this situation so I asked Steven whether I can move into his house since there will be an empty bed starting September.

While waiting for a reply from Steven, I thought I won't be able to move in because all of them are China Chinese while I'm just a Malaysian Chinese. After some time Steven still hadn't reply me so I guessed I was right, that they don't really like Malaysian Chinese. However, I was wrong. Immediately after I told him that, he said I can move in starting September semester. I was very happy to hear that.

5th Septmber 2011 was the day that I officially moved into Steven's house. The first few days being a housemate of some China people wasn't comfortable to me. 

I felt so uneasy Steven helped me so much. He helped me to arrange my stuffs properly. When I went to bed, he came to my room and asked whether I felt cold or not. Not many housemates are so much caring to the others.

Because at the beginning period when I moved in, the house has 6 people staying, including me. The house was so noisy and I was so uncomfortable to study and those times I really wanted to go home. At his home, I very seldom talk to anyone, including Steven, so I will only talk to those who were online at that moment. As I had got used to tell people my problems through online, I continued to do that even though after Steven and I became brothers and caused him disappointment because we promised to tell each other if we faced any problems. The day during AFSA Night review was his most disappointed day he had, because I was so reluctant to tell him my little problem because it will cause me embarrassment. But at the end I told him about it because I didn't want him to be upset. 

After some times staying with Steven, and after some conflicts we had, our friendship had became stronger and stronger until it became brothership. And because of this, I felt so reluctant to move out from his house. It's very hard to find a very nice housemate, a very caring housemate, especially, that will take care of you when you fall sick.

Anyhow, I had no choice but to accept the fate, that I have to leave his house. Thinking with a positive side, I should be grateful that I had the chance to stay with such a nice housemate, a nice brother ;-)

Today is 4th November 2011, it has been the fourth day since I moved out. Though sometimes I felt that I missed that house, my ex-housemates, and also my big brother, I have always try to make myself busy to stop thinking of them, especially Steven, who has created so much unforgettable memories we spent together. It's a bit hard for me to stop missing everything now, but I believe time is the only matter that can change me. 

However, I do not wish Steven will forget about me just because he has a girlfriend now. Wish he'll always call me a brother even after months or years we never meet each other, because once a brother, forever a brother!

Auld Lang Syne

I have just changed my playlist on the right side of your monitor.
This time I only put one song,
the song that brings me sweet memories,
because I sang that during my Form 5 graduation ceremony.
I miss those moments back there in that very school I stepped in once...
Enjoy~
Auld Lang Syne....

There's always a reason behind everything that happens.
I put this song is because of someone...
someone that is going to leave me very soon..
someone that once able to touch my heart deeply, so deep that I cried once..
someone that truly fits the title 'brother'.....

Today is his last paper for his Degree.
I felt bad to have arguments with him yesterday,
but we will never hate each other.
We will always forgive each other no matter what happens.

I felt glad to see him put 100% of efforts in doing his revision.
He really spent all his time on his studies,
make his own notes,
went to look for his lecturer for guide.
I really wish I am that kind of person,
I really regret my past...
I wish I could go back in time...

Day by day has passed....
The day that I hated most, is approaching, very soon...
I hate to be apart from him
but it is all fated...

Though we might not be able to see and talk to each other that frequent,
but our bond between brothers will stay firm forever,
so strong that neither hurricane nor tornado can break it apart.

All the best! Brother Steven...